How to "Come Out"
Credentials: I've been disowned like 6 times.
Ah, coming out. The move that shows you just how diabolical people can truly be. (Were you expecting me to gaslight you and sing kumbaya? Cause no). Coming out should be a happy moment in your journey of self-discovery, aka becoming that girl. But for most of us, it was a clusterfuckingly confusing time that on the bright side, brought us closer to our chosen family.
When I came out, I shit you not my father’s reaction was: “Well, you’re my daughter so I have to love you.” Mind you, I was a full-on daddy’s girl and spoke to my father every day… but this ONE conversation left me feeling like I had thrown a wrench in the pot of love. I struggle with that reaction because he technically didn’t ostracize me but I knew his response didn’t feel good. It wasn’t until a few months ago he told me he wasn’t walking me down the aisle, let alone attending if I married a woman.
That moment radicalized me.
Looking back, I often daydream about what I could’ve done differently when "coming out.” Moreso, how could I protect myself while gearing up to share my truth?
Here’s what I learned.
Step 1: Be prepared to tell people to f-ck off
One thing I noticed about my and my peers’ coming out journey, was that a lot of people — especially conservative families — think you’re asking for permission.
Wrong.
Coming out isn’t about asking for permission — you’re simply updating people on your lore. This helped me understand that I and the people I love have different core beliefs. For them, it’s “Our culture says that only X, Y, Z is okay, so we only do X, Y, Z.”
Remind yourself that this is your fucking life and your decision to make. (This is one area I “dropped the ball” on, in terms of protecting myself. I desired approval, love and recognition from my blood. But is it necessary? No).
Step 2: Soft > Hard launch
Soft launch = "*Puts rainbow in bio*
Hard launch = *Co-posting with your new lover* or *Explicitly tells family*
As shared, I hard launched. As for what I’d do now? Soft launch. This is completely up to you and remember — if you soft launch your sexuality now, technically, you can hard launch later : ) Move at your own pace!
Step 3: Do these people deserve to know your business?
Now that I value my truth, I protect it. Looking back, I wasn’t asking for too much by asking for respect. I was negotiating something that should’ve never been negotiated — and I was communing with the wrong people.
There are 3 types of people I no longer share my truth or any truth with:
♡judgemental people
♡unkind people
♡people who lack critical thinking or media literacy skills
Step 4: Debrief + Self-Care ♡
Next, schedule some time for love and care. Whether that's scheduling time with your chosen family or some self-care time (if you haven't met your chosen family yet). It's so important to surround yourself with love as you're gearing up to come out. Do those affirmations. Speak to yourself with kindness. Reach out when you feel lonely.
Most importantly, YOU ARE LOVEABLE(!)
Above all else, remember that you are lovable, okay? You deserve kindness, love, respect and people who listen. Okay? Ok. Love you!
Anywho, check out my latest on how meds f-cked my sex drive:
